It could only happen to me.......

Sooooooooo.....

Yesterday, I got up early to workout.  I started with jumping rope in front of my house for five minutes. Then I wanted to go on a 2.5 mile run.  I had just gotten my heart rate monitor back from being repair. My iPhone app finally decided to work with me and pick up the GPS.  So all in all, it started out wonderfully.  I turned on the monitor app, the running app, the book I've been waiting to listen to and set out with a nice trot.

It was wonderful weather: not too hot or sunny.  It was early enough that only those who were exercising or walking dogs were out.  I got to the end of the first road in my normal route.  Today, I decided to be adventurous.  Instead of going right, I set out to the left.  Wow this part of my neighborhood is beautiful.  Every other house has their sprinklers running.  All of the lawns are gorgeously manicured.  It was almost Stepford in it's appearance.

It was at this point that I decided to pick up the pace.  I sped up, checked my heart rate, burn rate and made sure my lungs were not going to fight back.  All is well? Check! Good stuff.  I am running at a steady clip.  I'm going at such a good pace that it felt like a man who was out running with his dog was using me as pacer.  It was at this moment that the Universe decided to play it's cruel cruel joke.

A sidewalk square turned up and bit me!!! It jumped up and caught my left foot while I was in such a glorious stride.  I tried to plant my feet; to get myself back on balance; to even just keep moving forward.  The Universe was having none of it.  I had been moving at such a steady clip that I began running sideways in midair.  I'm sure it looked like something out of a cartoon.  Legs in the air moving in circles while I am parallel to the ground.  As I came down, I put my hands out brace myself.  Remember those freshly watered lawns, I told you about earlier? Well, one hand landed on the concrete while the other hit the lawn.  This made matters worse.  My hand slipped in the wet grass propelling me forward even more similar to a player sliding hands first into home base.  My knee slammed on the concrete and slid right along the grass with the rest of my body.

I know you are laughing right now.  Just wait.  It gets worse.  You have forgotten that I told you that I was being used as a pacer.  After I managed to roll myself over and sit up, I look up into the eyes of a medium sized black labrador retriever.  I promise you, he looked as though it was making sure I didn't break myself.  The dog looked at me with his eyes asking "What are you doing down here? Did you fall on purpose?"  I looked up at his owner who was kind enough NOT to laugh in my face.  He asked if I was ok and proceeded to tell me that his wife took a similar fall just last year.  He made a point of telling me that she hasn't run again since.  Was he advising me that I am better off on the couch? Nah!!

I picked myself up off the ground.  I notice a small hole in my best running pants.  UGH!! Then I notice the lawn that I just slid through.  You could see the imprint of my arm and a long drag similar to a skid mark. Can I just apologize now if the owner is reading this? I did not fall on purpose.  I am so sure he walked out of his home this morning and said what in the name of everything happened here?  

I am not even more determined to finish but the pain in my knee won the fight.  I get home and my son gives me the "What in the world happened to you" look.  I started to explain and mid-sentence he is in tears of laughter.  So much for sympathy from the teenager.  I go to take a shower as half my body is covered in water, grass and dirt.  I get the running pant down just to find the damage to my knee was worse than I imagined.  You know an injury is bad when the teenager makes the sign of the cross at the injury.

While I didn't run yesterday, Universe, I want you to know that I will be back tomorrow.  Just wait.  You may have won the battle yesterday but I shall win the war!!!

The learning continues

So I experienced one of the funniest events of my life. A 60-70 year old white male judge told me how to make a blunt. lol. It wasn't so much the fact that he knew what one was or the fact that he knew how to make one that was funny. It was his description of how to make one that was "enlightening." Pun totally intended.

He proceeded to explain that the skillful "blunt master" makes an incision into a perfectly good cigar. He then carefully undresses the cigar wrapping. Once that is done, the blunt master takes out all of that wonderfully good tobacco and just throws it in the trash. Then he stuffs the wrapper with marijuana. Once he does that, the blunt master carefully rewraps the blunt. Then he licks it (And he demonstrated the licking of the imaginary blunt. Full tongue out and all.) and smokes it with a ripple.

Pure comedy. This summer just keeps getting better and better. What will I learn next?

I am learning w-a-a-a-a-ay-y-y-y-y too much!!

I have titled this Blog "I am learning way too much!!" for a reason. I have been interning this summer in the District Attorney's office. While I hoped that this experience would teach me a lot about the law and the actual "practice" of the law, I was in no way shape or form prepared for my current learning experience.

I learned my first piece of information from a defense attorney. He brings me a file and tell me to dismiss the case. Since I get this all the time as the "intern," I stupidly asked for the reason for this current dismissal. The defense attorney says (with a straight face mind you) that "a blow job is not prostitution." Thinking he was joking I asked again why I am supposed to dismiss this charge. He repeats that a blow job is not prostitution even if you pay for one.

So needless to say I had to look it up on Lexis Nexis. And guess what people? A blow job is not prostitution in the state of North Carolina according to the State vs. Richardson (1983). In this case, the courts basically said that if the legislature intended for fellacio, cunnilingus, etc to be considered prostitution it would have been enumerated in the statute.

Well, while it is not prostitution (a misdemeanor) a blow job is a crime against nature (a felony). lol. I am sure there are plenty of men around who would beg to differ. More tomorrow.

Therapy or Comedy

I don't know if this is therapy or comedy. This week alone I have received several phone calls from ex boyfriends. The first was from an ex that I had not heard from in over three years. He proceeds to tell me that essentially "the grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence."

The next call came from a dude that I can't even call an ex because we didn't even get together. He thought my feelings should have been crushed because things did work out with me. Ummm......why is it that I didn't even know he was trying?

This was followed by a call from a guy that my oldest friend and her husband both tried to set me up with. This was the most comical. Two years ago they tried to set us up on a date. He stood me up for his on again/off again girlfriend at that time. They later tried again and this time he told them that I was trying to act like his wife. News to me because I only spoke to him for that one day. Yet now he was asking if he could come to my place. HAHAHAHAHA Not!!!!

Last but not least, my most recent ex keeps calling me asking for me to come over. WTF?? Umm you broke up with me but you want me to come over.

So here comes the therapy or comedy part. First, it was satisfying to know that they realized after the fact that I was a good girlfriend. It was EXTRA satisfying to tell them NO NO and Hell to the Niggaaddyyyy Naw. LOL. It was comedy how they all seemed to think that by telling me what I already knew it would get them back into my good graces. It was also comedy to hear them all repeat almost word for word the fact that the grass isn't greener on the other side. So gentlemen of the world here is my pearl of wisdom for the day:

THE GRASS IS NOT GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE FENCE.
THE MAN WHO LIVES ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE FENCE IS JUST PUTTING IN MORE WORK THAN YOU.
IF YOU WOULD PUT IN THE WORK YOUR GRASS WOULD BE JUST AS GREEN. (MAYBE EVEN GREENER.)
AND THE "GRASS" (YOUR GIRL) WILL APPRECIATE YOU FOR IT. Appreciation has its perks.

Why????

Ok so I have been reading my friends' blogs for the past two weeks and I have decided to join the fray. This site will feature random-ness that I have no other outlet to discuss. It will also probably include stuff that I have talked to death with my other friends but haven't resolved in my soul.

For example, today I went to my internship for a general meet and greet before we begin. We were in the courtroom in Wake County. When we walked in a defendant was being spoken to very kindly by the judge about how he was very proud of the recent choices she had made. It was not until she was called forward to sign a piece of paper that I realized what the woman had on. 80 degrees outside she came to court in a pair of booty blue jeans. She had the nerve to have a chain linked belt dangling from her waist sideways. Now I thought she had on a simple short sleeved black top until she turned around and the front was split open with a bra covering. Basically her boobs were hanging out. I absolutely could not believe my eyes. What in the world? I wanted to slap whichever one of her friends told her it was ok to wear that to court.

Back to the H!@# that is studying for my Con Law exam!!! In the words of the Smallville them song, "SOMEBODY SAVE ME!!!!!"